This play was staged as an entry in the 24-hour Drama Competition held in IISER on 26th Aug 2012. The theme given to our team was - "I think I am fat" and the constraint was to use the dialogue - "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested." in the script. (That's Sheldon Cooper for you.) This play was written, casted, rehearsed and staged within 24 hours.
CAST (in order of appearance)
Neha Patil as Neha
Vaibhav Karve as Sahil
Iris as Attractive girl
Jiwasmika Baishya as Naisha
Sulal S. as Neha's Dad
Nishchhal Verma as Dr. Verma
Soumik Ghosh as Neha's new boyfriend
Anand Kumar - props and stage management.
Nishchhal Verma - concept.
Vaibhav Karve - script.
SCENE 1: [Outside]
Neha : (Without) Sahil, why are you doing this?
Sahil : Because it has to be so.
Curtains open. Neha and Sahil are standing Centre.
Neha : But why?
Sahil : Does there have to be a reason?
Neha : Please give it another chance…
An attractive girl walks past. Sahil stares behind her. Neha sees this, slaps Sahil, starts walking away.
Sahil : (whisper) Bloody Fatso!
Neha turns in shock.
SCENE 2: [Neha’s room]
Neha and Naisha sitting on chairs Centre.
Naisha : Neha, frankly, I am happy for you. I didn’t like that disgusting asshole the moment I set eyes on him! He reminds me of Rahul. Who aisa hi tha. Isliye I dumped him. And phir woh Manoj. That bloody miser. Ek paisa kharch nahi karta tha. Ek Alpenlibe tak nahi khilayi us Bhikaari ne. All guys are like this. Isliye, you know – I dump guys before they even think of dumping me.
Neha : You are crazy!
Naisha : I’m not crazy – my mother had me tested. Anyways, I think you deserve much better.
Neha : I know (sigh).
Naisha : Abey yeh toh bata, agar tu use dump karti to theek tha. But how dare HE dump YOU?
Neha : I think … coz I’m fat.
SCENE 3: [Neha’s room]
Neha sitting in Centre.
Dad : (without) Neha!
Neha : Yes Dad, come in.
Dad : Tumhari dost gayi kya?
Neha : Haan Papa, Naisha chali gayi.
Dad : Hey, you seem gloomy. Did you girls fight?
Neha : No Dad. It’s something else.
Dad : Oh, so did you fight with Siddharth?
Neha : DAD! HE’S SAHIL!!!
Dad : (shrugs) Listen Beta, there will be ups … and downs (sits) in life. Just think over it and learn a lesson from all this.
Neha : I know that. Ok. I just wanna sleep now.
Dad : (stands up) Ok Beta. Good night! Anyways, I know exactly what’ll make you happy. You are in for a surprise tomorrow. (Exits)
Neha : (Thinks, stands up, starts pacing) Dad is right. I need to take a lesson from this. What are my problems? One – I don’t have a boyfriend. And Two – I don’t want anyone to ever call me fat again. (Thinks and writes “Dieting” on the whiteboard.)
SCENE 4: [early morning, Neha’s room]
Neha enters yawning. Finds a note and reads it loud – “For my Darling Daughter.” She takes the cake, realizes that she shouldn’t eat it, fights temptation. Keeps repeating of her 2 problems. Walks offstage with the cake. Returns licking her fingers and smacking her lips. Crosses out dieting. Thinks again, paces, repeats problems. Writes “workout”.
SCENE 5: [Neha’s room]
Neha starts jogging from one end of the stage, jogs past half stage, pants and then sits on her chair.
Neha : Dad! I am very hungry! I need something to eat!!
Dad : Ok… I’ll get you some more cake.
Neha: (to herself, whisper) I don’t think workouts are a good idea. (Crosses workout, thinks, repeats problems, write “Liposuction”). I think liposuction is a much better idea. Atleast I can have my cake. (Takes a mobile and calls) Hello, can I get an appointment with Dr. Verma?
SCENE 6: [Doctor]
Neha pacing, looking at her watch.
Neha : Oh god! Yeh doctor kab tak aaega?
Neha : YOU are the Liposuction doctor!!?
Doctor : Yes. Any doubt?
Neha in shock.
SCENE 7: [Neha’s Room]
Liposuction has already been crossed out. Neha is thinking, repeating her problems.
Neha : Bingo!
Rubs off the board.
SCENE 8: [Outside]
Neha enters with a fat new boyfriend. He is fatter than her.
Neha : (smile of triumph) No one will ever call me fat again.