Saturday, 26 January 2013

Some sums do count


Game-theorist        :       Life is a zero-sum game.

Lay man                      :       What's a zero-sum game?

Cpt. Obvious             :       It's a game.

Wikipedia                    :       It means someone's profit is someone else's loss. When one guy
                                                    wins, another has to lose. One's good is another's bad. One's
                                                    faith, another's blasphemy. You get the idea, right?

Isaac Newton            :       Ofcourse. Everything has an equal and opposite reaction. That is
                                                     but natural.

Charles Darwin        :     @Newton -    Correction. That is but natural selection. The
                                                    cheetah kills the gazelle to live. Or the gazelle lives to see the
                                                    cheetah die.

Albert Einstein        :      @Darwin -     Correction. That is but relativity. If someone wins,
                                                     he obviously wins against someone else. So someone has to lose.

Lance Armstrong  :      Winning is all that matters.

Vijay Mallya              :      @Lance -      Ya, you can say that again.

Indian                            :       My country created the zero thousands of years ago. The game-
                                                     theorist should have acknowledged that. No one ever gives us
                                                     credit for anything.

Pakistani                      :       So it is the Indian who is responsible for creating this zero-sum
                                                     rat-race. I'm gonna kill him.

John Nash                   :       Don't kill each other. There is a way we can all come out of the
                                                     rat-race. It's called cooperation.

Dalai Lama                 :       It's also called love and harmony.

European Union     :       @Nash -       F**k you, f**k cooperation.
                                                     @Dalai Lama -  Pardon that comment. _/\_

Accountant               :        Are you guys saying that in the balance sheet of the universe
                                                     everything adds up to zero? That would be a real godsend.

Dalai Lama                 :       Yes. That is how life ensures that it remains fair. For every
                                                     moment of suffering there is a moment of joy. For every thing
                                                     you lack, you make up elsewhere. For every good you do, you
                                                     will have something good done unto you.

Atheist                          :       So God takes away some people's eyesights and gives them a
                                                     keen sense of hearing in return. That's a pretty twisted notion of
                                                     fairness, won't you say?

Bible                                :       The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

Feminist                       :       All that the @Lama was saying is that the universe has to work
                                                     with duals, and equal quantities at that. These duals complete
                                                      the universe, and each other. Both halves should be treated as

Physicist                       :       Wish that were true, because I've been working my ass off for a
                                                      long time trying to explain this anomalous excess of matter over
                                                      anti-matter. Can't seem to figure that one out.

Lay man                        :       What is anti-matter?

Cpt.Obvious               :        It doesn't matter.

Physicist                       :        @Lay man 1 -  Dude, quit embarrassing yourself. Google it.

Theist                             :        @Lay man 1 -  Anti-matter. It is the work of the Devil.

Satan                                :         Hey, I din't do nothin'! Quit blaming me for everything.

Indian                             :         Please blame it on us. No one every gives us credit for anything.

Google                             :         @Lay man 1 -      I suggest you wiki it.
                                                        @Cpt. Obvious -  I see what you did there.

Physicist                        :        @Theist -             What's your take on all this?

Theist                              :         Umm...

Logician                         :        @Theist -             Dude, you are stuck. If you say you think this
                                                        universe is zero-sum, you accept that good and bad, and
                                                        therefore, God and Satan, are equally strong. If you deny the
                                                        zero-sum, then it means you believe life, and hence God, ain't

Theist                              :        Nothing of that sort. I reject the zero-sum, but only for a positive-
                                                       sum. Life isn't fair at all but that's because I believe we are
                                                       granted a lot more than we deserve. That there is more good
                                                       than evil.

Usain Bolt                     :        I too reject the zero-sum, but only for the negative-sum. Look at
                                                       races for instance. One winner, nine losers. Since when is that a

Solitaire                        :         I've seen worse. I've seen the win alone, on their own, with
                                                       themselves are even lose alone. Not against anyone. Where's
                                                       your zero sum then?

Probability                 :         For every solitaire game anyone's ever lost, there is one that
                                                       someone's won.

Cpt.Obvious              :        We are confused and the point is long lost.

Skeptic                          :        True, I don't see the point of doing all this.

Oracle                            :        We are all here to do what we are all here to do.

Neo                                   :        Which is what? To save Zion?

Oracle                             :        No. To balance the equation. The universe is not perfect, it
                                                       shouldn't be.

Ayn Rand                     :        Why not? Perfection is good.

Oracle                             :        Because if the universe had been perfect, i.e. if it had been zero-
                                                       sum, man would have no reason to exist. Man exists to maintain
                                                       that balance. His sense of morality, his sense of blasphemy, his
                                                       sense of winning and losing. A sentient being is the result of the
                                                       sum of the universe trying to balance itself out.

God                                   :        (With tears in His eyes) Wow. What an explanation, what
                                                       simplicity, what beauty. Now why didn't I think of that before?


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